30 days of Thankfulness - day 11

Hey howdy hey! And welcome to the official day 11 blog of thankfulness.  Today is December 15th.  If we were going to get technical on the thankfulness thing, it should be November 11th...but it's not.  And I say again, I'm ok with that.

Today I'm thankful for friends.

Friends come to us in so many ways, with so many faces, and at just the right times.  Personally I choose to **seriously** shield myself from "friends".  I've had enough bad ones to know that things are not always what they seem when it comes to the whole "friends" scene.  There are many many people out there who want to call themselves "friends", but have ulterior motives are just saying what they know we want them to say.  I've had some "friends" like that.  Those people are no longer in my life.

I was annoyed today at the amount of work I had to deal with.  Some days are long, some are not so long, in my line of work it all depends on what people are talking about.  I had plans for today, I was going to clean the kitchen, vacuum the living room rug, wrap a few more presents, and yes...work.  Well it turns out there was a lot more to work on than I had expected.  The job is the priority though, so I started at 8am strong and went solid through 3pm.  I did stop for breakfast.  Don made an amazing breakfast casserole and honestly by the time it was ready I deserved a 20 minute hiatus from all that is excel.

Before I knew it, it was 12:30.  My neighbor has a handful of kiddos, and had a birthday party for two of them today.  The weather finally broke in a positive way, and they got their bounce house <3 p="">
At any rate - the thankful thing.

I have three, maybe four people here in South Carolina that I choose to consider my friends.  One of those ladies entertained my children for hours today while I worked and got some more wrapping knocked out.  Another one of them is my go-to absolute bestie.  She has been with me through some seriously crappy times - and we get together once a week for coffee.  I'm stoked to meet up with her every single Wednesday, especially since my Keurig completely crapped out last week (still hoping for some resolution via the Keurig customer service route).  Then there's my girl two doors down, the one that makes me smile and somehow always has a positive attitude, no matter what kind of goodies life may fling at her (and trust me, life flings plenty of poo her way).

It's hard for me to make friends, it always has been.  I've always been the type to just write people off if they hurt me or confused me or challenged me.  I guess maybe I guard my heart with a vengeance.  Always have.  A pastor once tried to make me believe that was a bad way of living.  I am now 37 years old and still genuinely believe that if I don't protect my heart, no one will - so I still disagree with that whole "bad way of living" theory.

Tonight I'm thankful for my real and true friends.  Those ladies that know me and love me anyway.  The ones that want me to be a part of their lives, and have shown me so many reasons why I want to be a part of theirs.  They are few and far between.  It's a "quality not quantity" concept.

I love my girls, and tonight, I am thankful for them.  They know who they are <3 p="">

30 days of Thankfulness - Day 10

Alright my loyal readers, between you and me, I knew when I started this 30 Days of Thankfulness blog concept, it was going to take more than 30 days.  I tried to pretend I could blog every day for 30 days but really we (I) knew better.  I'm still going to run with it and call it completely forgivable. even if it takes me six months for find thirty days of blogs.  Why?  Because sometimes we just have to be honest and forgive ourselves for the realities that we try to pretend we don't hide.  I'm going to do this though, even if I'm still working on it come the first day of spring 2014.  I will post my 30 days.  I will create my thirty days of Thankfulness.

Today should technically be November 10th (day 10 of Thankfulness) - but it's actually December 13th.  And that's ok with me.

My biggest problem today, knowing I would blog, was figuring out a topic to cover exactly what I was thankful for.  This is about to get silly.  I've been wanting to blog about this for a few days now.  The issue at large is figuring out how to say "Hey I'm a freaking idiot" without actually putting myself down.  But here goes.  

This is me, being blonde.  And kind of idiotic.

Tuesday morning I took Don's Jeep to take the kids to school and he took my car.  It just works out better that way.  So anyways, I took the Jeep to take the kiddos to school.  I happened to noticed that the gas gauge was nearing empty.  So I stopped and attempted to put $20 in the tank.  It only took $12 and I was annoyed, because we've had issues with the jeep when it comes to adding gas.  It has a tendency to pop off the pump at twelve cents, something about the vapor.  So I took the kiddos to school and this is what I saw:

So I, naturally, stopped at the gas station and filled up.  I was so freaking pissed to find out that the gas gauge on the Jeep had gone out.   It would only take $11.26.  I didn't really know what to do.  It would only take what it would take so I closed the tab and called it good.  I texted Don and said "remind me to tell you about your gas gauge :/"  knowing full well with every fiber of my being that the Jeep gas gauge was done for.

He came home and I told him about it.  He said he'd talk to our neighbor Travis (a mechanic) and his buddies at work and see what he could do to get things repaired.

Long story short, we came to the conclusion that any repair would pretty much be a total and complete pain in the ass.  Not to mention a serious pain in the checkbook.  No really.  A nearly un-recoverable checkbook kind of pain in the ass.

Merry Christmas.

So we started to try to figure out how we were going to make this all work out...somehow.  Read: lots of prayers and perhaps a "hail Mary" or two.

So another day goes by, and I'm hanging out, trying to get the kids ready for school.  Another day of me driving the Jeep.  No worries, I know for a fact that even thought the gas gauge has gone kaput, I just put $12 in the tank so we're good, right?

Well then it hits me.  Don's gas gauge in the Jeep doesn't drop at E.  It drops at freaking F.  Yes.  It does.

Whoops.  Something like this up there.  So yes, I was reading things wrong all along.  

There's a deeper point to this blog though.  I was reading things all wrong.  I was reading my gas gauge all wrong.  

Sometimes we do that.  We read our gas gauge all wrong.  We think we're out of steam when really we're just working to make our own worlds work!

So the POINT here is...just when we think our tank is empty...well maybe someone upstairs knows better,  It's so funny to me how I can drive a vehicle being overly concerned that the gas tank is *over* empty...and then find out no, my interpretation was wrong...the tank is actually on FULL.  

Thank you Lord for covering me, in all my moments.  My blonde moments, my questionable moments, my dance moments, my awesome moments.

It is SO AMAZINGLY GRACEFUL to know that all my moments are truly loved.

So my Thankful blog of the day, number 10...I'm thankful for clarity <3 nbsp="" p="" said.="" uff="">

30 days of Thankfulness - Day 4-9

You know,  I should have known I couldn't keep up with this thirty days of thankfulness thing.  I've tried it for the last 5 years and continuously fail.  I thought this year it'd be easier if I just blogged it!  SUUUUURE!  Because blogging requires explanation and definition and makes everything so much easier.

Wrong.

But it's ok.  Becuase here I am, November 9.  Covering 6 days of thankfulness in one blog entry.  The good news is, I can totally get away with it.  Even if this entry takes me all day to write ;)

Day 4:  I'm thankful for Backyard Produce.  I'm totally stoked that every Tuesday we get a box of local organic produce.  Always something new with SOMETHING or other we've never cooked before.  Last night we ate asparagus.  Last week it was diacon radishes.  Some crazy thing that looked like a parsnip in disguise.  We made something awesome out of it.  It was tasty, and it was a new recipe, and it broadened my culinary horizon.

Day 5:  I'm thankful for the mail carrier.  Estella has been our mail carrier here in the neighborhood since we bought the house 8 years ago.  When we came back to Goose Creek after 3 years in Washington, it was so great to see her smiling face again lol - and she was happy to see us too!  It's the little relationships with the everyday people in our lives that give us just enough of a reminder that, though we live a bit of a mobile lifestyle, we can still make a difference and bring a smile on a regular basis...no internet required.

Day 6:  I'm thankful for Candy Crush.  No really, I am.  Silly, but true.

Day 7: I'm thankful for my Pandora Jewelery.  For the last few years, Don has bought me a charm or two for each major event.  When things stress me out (when WORK stresses me out) sometimes I just have to clip on my bracelets and suddenly all is well once again.  Our 10 year anny is coming, and there's a lighthouse now, you know.  Hint hint....

Day 8:  I'm thankful for my husband and his hysterically well placed timing to sing songs such as "James' Mom has got it goin on..."  (To the tune of "Stacy's Mom").  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dZLfasMPOU4

Day 9: I'm thankful for my boss.  No really.  She has so freaking much on her plate, yet she can understand and respect my requirement to put my family first.  I'm a lucky lucky girl to work for Miss Phoenix. WAY LUCKY.

Holy smokes have I actually caught up with myself?  Watching some football and dealing with my furbabies scratching at the glass tired of being outside in the "Cold" - they're so screwed once we get back to the Pac NW.  But I'll take it.

We'll get through it together because truly, that's what families do.  Thanks for reading and keeping up with us over the last 6 days <3 p="">

30 days of Thankfulness - Day 3

Day three - today (ok, yesterday was *technically* day three, but I'm catching up here) I am thankful for my home.

We closed on our home in June 2005, and have owned it ever since.  We did try to sell when we left South Carolina the first time, but the housing bubble had burst, Centex was still building new homes in the development, and it just didn't sell.  So - we rented it out for 3 years while we were in Washington, and came back to it when we returned to South Carolina.

It has not always been wonderful being a homeowner.  We don't have a landlord to call when something stops working.  We can't just walk away when the lease is up.  We have to worry about what we'll do next year when Don retires, if it will even sell or if we'll have to rent it out again.

But all of that aside, this house - this home - holds so many precious memories.  Birthdays, projects, holidays.  Firsts.  Lasts.  One (completely justified) frequent complaint from military families is not being able to stay anywhere long enough to really put down roots.  Every three years or so you just up and move somewhere else.  I am simply thankful for the nearly 6 total years we've been able to occupy this space, that we could make memories over time, under one roof, without having to think back and ask  "wait - which house were we at for Paige's 7th birthday?".

It's just one of those little blessings, just another thing I'm thankful for.

30 days of Thankfulness - Day 2

I know I'm running a little late here, I'll catch up - just bare with me.  Might make two blog entries tomorrow - I can handle one day late, for now.

Today I am so very thankful for the pets in my life.  Angel, Pepper, Molly, even Amy the guinea pig!

I've had Angel the longest.  Christmas of 1998, I was two months away from getting out of the navy.  I didn't have any leave left really, and so I was stuck staying in Washington for the holiday.  My grandma, my Manny, chose to spend her holiday with me that year, selflessly sacrificing her time with the rest of her family and her loved ones, to make some memories with her oldest granddaughter.  She and I went to Petco one afternoon in late December.  We had no real mission in mind, just wanted to check it out.  PAWS was there - an animal rescue group.  Well, of COURSE, we brought home a cute little long haired tortoiseshell kitten that was just big enough to fit into the palm of our hand.  I named her Angel - because she was my Christmas Angel.  That was the same year Manny and I fed all my friends that couldn't go home for Christmas.  It was a two day potluck at Becca's house...any lonely sailor that wanted to get some grub could show up with a dish (or not) and they would find food,  friends and family for the holiday.

I miss Manny, and will never forget that Christmas.  I know her spirit still comes around regularly, in little ways.

Pepper, he's a horse of a different color.  I got Pepper for my birthday, in 2002.  Don was deployed when everything hit the fan on 9.11.01.  We were very much in love, I was working at Qwest in Seattle, he was on the USS Carl Vinson (CVN-70), and deployed when the towers fell.  I will not forget that day as long as I live.  He made it home some time in the spring, and we realized how important we were to each other.  Officially moved in together.  When the fall came, we knew we wanted a dog.  We went to the the Kitsap County Humane Society and the story is epic.  I wrote a story about our finding Pepper Dog, and it almost made the cut for the "Chicken Soup for the Veteran's Soul" book.  Almost.  At any rate, he's still with us, 11 year later.  He's 14 now.  That whole story might find it's own description in a blog to come.

Molly, she's our baby.  We got her from a family that couldn't possibly love her as much as we do.  Clearly - duh - they all but gave her away.   She has learned so much from us in the last year and a half, and we've learned just as much from her.  She is smart, sweet, and greedy LOL.  If we keep her out of the kitchen, all will be well.  If she goes into the kitchen, look out, watch her like a hawk.  She's sneaky... ;)

And Amy - the Guinea Pig in Paige's room LOL - she's awesome, she's fun, she loves to come out and eat clover, and she will devour any Timothy Hay you put in her path.  She needs a friend...we're working on that (James' birthday is coming).

Today, November 3, 2013, I'm thankful for my furbabies.  And they are thankful for me and mine.  Even when we refuse to give them chicken bones ;)  It's all about responsibility.

30 days of Thankfulness - Day 1

So there's this Facebook tradition - every November.  They call it "The 30 Days of Thankfulness".  Every day in November half of the people on Facebook post a status update about what they're thankful for.  I didn't post my thankfulness post today - but it wasn't because I forgot, or because it slipped my mind.  It was because I couldn't figure out exactly how to say what I felt, let alone put it into a simple status update that wasn't 18 miles long.  That's when I got this bright idea to blog my 30 days instead.  Not only is it a better platform to explain why I'm thankful for the things I'm thankful for, but also - writing is one of only a handful of things I do for my own self.  Maybe I'm being selfish, but sometimes there's nothing wrong with that.  Lucky for my loyal readers, some days will be shorter than others ;)

So here we are, Day 1.

Today, November 1, 2013, I am thankful for my marriage.  Not only my marriage, but the man that chose to take me for his wife.  That's pretty much how it happened, you know...after three years of dating, he didn't really bother to ask.  He chose me.  He took me, and I allowed myself to be taken (I still have to wonder who really took who here, but that's of no consequence).

Don had just spent 10 months out to sea (a six month deployment became ten), and  it was his first weekend home in nearly a year.  He told me that he wanted to get away from people, away from civilization, so we went camping at Oxbow (Washington State DNR).  We packed up the truck, packed up the dog, the tent, the firewood, the cribbage board, a cooler full of beer, enough food for three days, and we simply drove up to the boonies that are Washington State DNR territory.  Got to the site, pitched the tent, unloaded the truck (we had to hike into our site, it was gorgeous, right on the Hoh river) and lit the campfire.  Sat there for a few hours in exceptionally comfortable silence as the darkness grew thicker around us, the crickets grew louder in our ears, and the fact that we were finally together once again genuinely and truly sank in.  So there we were, sitting around the campfire, just watching it burn.  Sgt. Pepper asleep next to Don's chair.  That's back when it was just the three of us against the world.  It had been a good 15 minutes of crackling, popping fire, no words were spoken (none were truly needed).  Don broke the silence and asked what I was thinking about.  I was just so happy to be back in his company, back in his arms.  I sheepishly shrugged and simply smiled.  He said "You thinking about marriage?  Thinking about kids?".  Mind you, we'd been together nearly three years and been through 2 solid deployments.  There was nothing I wouldn't do for him, nor he for me. We both knew it.  When he was deployed I had spent my weekends baking cookies for his division and creating care packages to keep him comfortably reminded of the love that waited for him back on the home front.  He had been gone 10 months and now he wanted to know what I was thinking about?  PSHAW!  Riiiiiiight.  I wasn't about to admit that our future had been on my mind.  There was absolutely no question that we'd be together - I had just spent a lot of time considering what our future looked like exactly.  He was divorced, with an AMAZING son from his first marriage, and the very last thing I wanted was to pressure him into another marriage that he might not be ready for.  I didn't even care, I just knew that I loved him.  And he loved me.  And it was working.  Marriage was out there, sure - but nothing I expected nor would even have CONSIDERED demanding.   So "What are you thinking about?" he says.   I sort of giggled under my breath at his question.  I looked up at the sky, and saw the most brilliant starry night I'd seen since leaving home.  Looking back, it seems odd that the stars would have shone so brightly - granted we were out in the middle of nowhere - but at the same time, this brilliant campfire was blazing steady and strong.  After a few more moments of comfortable, warm, serene silence (we never HAVE been the kind that needed a lot of words) - he said "You know you're going to marry me."  That's when I stopped staring at the brilliance that was the universe above, brought my eyes level to his, smiled, and started to cry.  I nodded my head and gave a simple "Yes, I know."  That was September 27, 2003.  We were married just shy of three months later,  on December 14th.

Since then we've been through a lot.  Both good and bad, amazing and heartbreaking, but we've been through it all together.  Life, death, comedy, tragedy, love, and even a little bit of discontent.  What marriage doesn't go through a little bit of discontent?  The thing that gets me is... his love for me has never wavered.  He has given me two beautiful children that are such an immense blessing, and he has shown me what true love really is.  Honest, heartfelt, love.  Love worth fighting for, love worth believing in, and love that is meant to be.

He is my TFA man, and I am his Lighthouse Girl.  It was in our vows, and it still holds true 10 years after the fact.

Today, November 1, 2013...I am thankful for my marriage, and thankful for the man that chose to take me as his wife.

Why my daughter blows my mind - reason number six hundred seventy four...

WOW What a fantastic evening around here.  We did our whole work day thing.  Mom finished up her shift, Dad came home from work.  Long day all around.

It's a Monday.  We're not big fans of Monday, for what it's worth.  We did our thing though - we finished up a fantastic dinner from scratch.  Worked together to make it happen.  A relatively decent tuna and salmon noodle casserole.  The cat is a little pissed, she was left out of the salmon aspect, we're so mean that we actually bought the Chicken of the Sea brand pink salmon pouches.  Boneless and skinless dont'cha know.  Regardless, made for one hell of a dinner casserole - the kids ate it up.  They loved it.

After dinner, I found myself outside, doing a post dinner chillax kind of moment.  Paige had finished up and came outside to chat.  I was doing my own thing, sitting in my chair...and she says "Mom!  Mom, it's a planet, check it out!".  Sure enough, I got out of my chair and went into the yard where she was, just to see what on EARTH she was talking about.  Well she was right.  There was a planet up there, shining bright as the morning in the night sky.  It was the only apparent star to be seen.  Well it was a planet, der.  Even she knew that.  I did some homework, we think it might have been Jupiter.  Regardless, it was the brightest and only star in the night sky right around 7pm.  Well, me being the mom that I am, I commended her on her skills for finding the first star.  I put my arm around her and (wish I'd had a photo) said "star light, star bright, first star I see tonight..." She said "MOM - it's not a star, it's a planet.  I said "Come on sweets, give me something here...star light, star bright, first star I see tonight -I wish I may, I wish I might have the wish I wish tonight...".  She giggled a little bit.  I asked her exactly what her wish was...and I didn't expect her to tell me.

But she did.

She said "Mom...I wish that people in schools would stop bullying and making fun of other people."

**WOW**

*Wait, what?

Is this my kid, who just found her nerve to jump up on her Mom's mountain bike and ride it to the end of the block and back?  Is this my kid who found herself just one year ago, summer before last, with a dislocated hip, chilling out in a wheelchair for half the summer and in a hipcast?  Is this my kid who can't even stand to share the backyard swings with her brother?!!?!

Yes.  Yes it is.

This is my kid.  And good LORD I am so happy, and so blessed that she is such a fantastic part of my life.  I am so blessed to call her my own, so amazed with each and every day that she wakes up and gives her life to God, shares her prayers for others.

My daughter.  She blows me away.  My daughter, she blows my mind.  My daughter, she is my greatest gift...her and her brother.  I can not imagine my life without them.  They are so loving, so forgiving, so caring, so thoughtful, and though rarely a day goes by that they actually get along, we are family - and they know it.

This "family" of ours, we stretch from the eastern seaboard back to the west coast.  We have so much family, so much love back in Oregon and Washington.  We love our Seahawks, we love our Ducks, we love our home.  Our time will come, when suddenly we find ourselves surrounded once again by family and love.  Our time will come - no question.  But for now - I'm excessively happy to have a chance to teach my little family that sometimes, just the four of us...sometimes we are all we have - and sometimes - we matter most.

This daughter of mine has been through SO MUCH.  It's as if she simply got through it, got over it, and moved on.  She doesn't even seem to remember how challenged she was just one year ago.  She's a Rhine.  She's a Hunter.  She's a Leichner.  She's got the strength of her ancestry in her veins, and she continues to blow my mind each and every single day of her life.

I am so in love with my Sweet Pea - and she is SUCH a phenomenal gift from God.  I just don't know what else to say.  She owns my heart, squashes my fears, shows me everything I want to be...all in one little girl.  There is nothing I wouldn't do to bring her happiness.

She is AMAZING.  My Amazing, number one girl.  Forever and always.  Mama loves you, Sweet Pea <3 nbsp="" p="">

Football night in America

I just don't know what it is about that ball.  That football.  Football is America's sport.

It's almost funny.  Our government might just shut down in a few days.  Today, for just a few hours,  I forgot about all that.  I was (am) stressed about the possibility of missing a mortgage payment.  The hubs and I, we take great pride in our credit score.  Eight years now we've been paying the mortgage - more that what is due and continually on time.  Congress is confused, so it would seem - but we're not.  We know what matters.

Russell Wilson matters.  Every play we're Russellin.

Today I thank God for football and the Seattle Seahawks.  They gave us a reprieve from the daily concerns, the constant fear and worry over what the future may hold.  Watching the Seattle Seahawks today we forgot...for a minute, about the fears of the future.

I don't know what it is about football. Honestly does it really matter?  I found myself - literally - jumping up and down, yelling and clapping my hands in the middle of my living room today.  It was fantastic.  I was...for a moment...nothing more than a fan.

We all need to just stop our lives every now and then, and become simply a fan.  It was so funny, Paige's friend heard us yelling our heads off and came to the sliding glass door only to laugh at us.  He's probably 10 years old.  He giggled, made a pump fake action and said through the glass..."Football?".  I said "FOOTBALL!  GO SEAHAWKS!".  He laughed and said "I play tackle!".  Good for you kid.  You go play tackle.  3rd grade?  4th maybe?  No matter.  He has a love...it's called football.  He plays tackle, and he'll tell you so.

I think football is the only thing we have here in America...the only thing that we can count on.  The only constant.  Yeah yeah there's baseball (how about Mariano Rivera...what a freaking winner!) but football - football is America's sport.  I'm grateful for the chance that I am given, once a week, to just SHUT UP.  Shut up the computer, shut down the phone, shut off the smartphone and become absorbed in the game.  For 15 minutes, times four...I'm enraptured.  I'm crazy.  I'm a fool, freak, Seahawk fan...and it feels AMAZING.

I love my Hawks.

I love to let go.

I'm a lucky lucky girl.  I'll take what I can get.  Sorry Schaub...you did your best.  You just can't beat the 12th man.

Every play we're Russellin...

MUAH!!

#GOHAWKS

Becca...and the dirty dawg.

Sooooo, my five year old is in week three of Kindergarten, Thursday is library day.  James loves library day.  Last week was his first week - he brought home a non-fiction book all about Uranus.  I read it to him before bed last Thursday.  I don't know what it is about that planet - but it's just an awkward read.  Maybe if I could just figure out the proper pronunciation it would have been easier to get through.  But I still glided through it with grace.  Or not.  At least not in my own head.  Whatever.  He was blind to anything remotely awkward, because he loves his mother and truly I can do no wrong.

It really feels good to have someone in whose eyes you can do no wrong.  

It's a most phenomenal feeling.

Well TODAY was library day.  I didn't get a chance to check out what book he brought home because immediately after school was a dental appointment for Paige that truly turned into a genuine crisis for her of epically terrifying proportions.  She has a tooth that has been bothering her.  It has a cavity, and they wanted to pull it.  What a freaking ridiculously awful experience.  Through no fault of the dentist, it was just Paige, genuinely scared and working herself up beyond the point of no return.  Let's just say...laughing gas didn't make her laugh, and she didn't wind up having the tooth pulled after all.  They sent me home with Tylenol w/ codeine for her.  REALLY?  CODEINE?  I mean, I appreciate that none of us want to see her in pain.  And they clarified it was only for bedtime.  But tonight at an hour before bed I said "Hey Paige how's your tooth?"  she said "Fine - at least it's not numb anymore!".  So yeah - no codeine for you, kiddo.  I'll hang onto it, it's possible the tooth will get worse before it falls out on it's own  (it's a baby tooth luckily) but might be nice to have the high velocity pain killer in my back pocket.  

SOOOOOOO - came home from the dental appointment and it was 4:45.  James had 2 days of homework to complete, Paige had to finish today's.  Tomorrow is Friday so really there was no more room to wiggle in regards to the homework situation.  It is now DUE.  

I frantically set to work to get all the workings of taco Thursday in order.  It wasn't until just before dinner, as I was putting James' completed homework into his homework folder, that I reached into his backpack and had a fantastic flashback to my younger years.

It was truly FANTASTIC.

He had checked out "No Roses for Harry".

 

I squealed LOL - it was technically Don's turn to read to James tonight but I absolutely vetoed that whole situation.

 

When I was a kid, this was one of my favorite books of ALL TIME.  I love Harry the dirty dog - and James actually owns the original "Harry the Dirty Dog" book.  Thanks to me, the mom who can do no wrong.

I had a hell of a day.  Dealt with housecleaning, a work messup that I had to fix, was a bit blindsided with a right hook to the heart by a family member...and then the dentist thing with my poor girl Paige.  

Tonight, I needed Harry.  I needed my Zilla man and my Harry the Dirty Dog.

Laying there reading this book to James tonight before bed, I was happy.  I was relaxed, I was with my number one boy, and I was transformed back to the time when all that mattered was Harry and that ugly sweater from Grandma.  It helped me remember how important perspective really is.  

Sometimes, we feel like we just can't pull off whatever the right next move

is.
Sometimes, we feel like we've made too many wrong last moves to ever set

the future on a proper course.

A moment of peace with an innocent child that loves us...puts a questionable day back on track.  It did for me, anyways.  I am me, I pretend for noone.  I hide nothing.  I am who I am.  Love it or leave it.  Luckily those that matter most to me love it.  It just took a bedtime story to remember what matters most.

Thank you Lord, for the family I've been blessed with.  Every last one of them.  They have so much to teach, and I still have so much to learn.

Doing What You Love...

We do what we can with what we have.  Yes we do.

 

Yes, it is truly that simple.

I was sad today.  I woke up with an incredibly sad and heavy heart.  After having watched hours and hours of testimony and evidence introduction, I was more bummed probably than the next "white guy" - about the ultimate Zimmerman verdict.  My heart was (and really, still is) quite heavy - wondering what this whole thing says about the state of our societal psyche, and the fact that everything I wish (and thought) we were - unfortunately - we're just not.  I thought we had come so far as a society - but it's simply not true.  That concept truly plagues my heart.  No really.  Brings tears.  It's even worse when I have people in my life - close friends and family too- that I love SO very much - who disagree with my view on the case.  It's hard to just ignore the outcry and the outrage and sit in silence in efforts to avoid confrontation.  So yes - today I was (and am) just sad.   I really just wanted to sit on my ass all day and play computer games.  I wanted to watch James play Diego on Wii and just read my Kindle and basically wallow in self pity over the future of my nation...and do nothing.  I knew however, that business wise,  I have an important event coming up in Oregon at the end of the week, and I need bath bombs shipped to arrive by Thursday.  So I had to get off my butt and get to work.

BEST FREAKING DECISION EVAR.

Newsflash: I can't control anything in the world, can't control anything on this planet, but myself.  I can love those that I love, and if they don't agree with me on political fronts it's OK- because I love them and don't really care about those things that are out of our control anyways.   I can't make decisions for people.  Damn.  I can't deliver a verdict.  I can't prosecute.  I can't defend.  What I CAN do - is be me.  Live me.  Just do my own thing.  So here I go.  Doing me.  Being me.

So today - knew I had a deadline, I begrudgingly dragged out my essential oils and my other various ingredients for bath bombs...and I started up ye olde faithful classic rock playlist.  Funny how music can change a state of mind.  NO really.  Hear me out.  The kiddos and hubs and I - we listened with sheer joy to Pink Floyd, Supertramp and yes (dare I say it) even REO Speedwagon.  That REO Speedwagon thing - was all about Don.  He said I should add REO Speedwagon to my classic rock playlist.  I said "Oh Hell NO."  I said classic rock was Pink Floyd and Boston and Steely Dan.  Ultimately he won (and it's ok because REO Speedwagon kicks ass).  

Holy freakin' crow is this blog as much of a ramble as it feels?  Well here's the bottom line.  I begrudgingly brought out all my bath bomb making STUFF...and I created.  I used my own hands and I made bath bombs that will touch people.  Somebody somewhere will buy my concoction of lavender and lemongrass, and even if only for a moment or 20 - it will make their day.  It might soothe a sore set of muscles or it might just make someones bathroom smell phenomenal for an hour or two.  I do what I can for those I can do something for.  

We all have the ability to assist.  We all have the ability to make someones life better.  Be it - a cup of coffee and a hug - a bath bomb - a simple smile.  We do what we do for those we can do something for.  A phone call.  A smile and a "hey girl you'll be ok".

Society as a whole, I feel, truly - is incredibly messed up.  BUT - *WE* are not society as a whole.  We are one.  We are one person each.  One person is all it takes to make one difference for one other person.  

Be the difference.  Make a bath bomb.  Give a hug.  Smile at a stranger.  Give someone a right of  way.

Listen to good music.  

It makes all the difference in the world.

We are one.

Worth Dying For

 
I got up with Don this morning at 5.  Since summer vacation started for the kids, and with me working nights, I've been making it a habit to let him get up with the alarm at 5am (5:18 by the time the snooze button is done) and I have been staying in bed in the morning until sometime between 7:30 and 8:30...depending on how late the kids want to let me sleep.  One thing though that I've lost by doing things that way is my quiet peaceful time to think in the morning.  Before the sun rises, before the kids wake up...when it's just my coffee and me.  This morning was nice.  Paige slept until 6:15.

*It was nice to be able to choose when to get out of bed and what to do with my morning.*

Speaking of summer vacation, I really am enjoying it for the most part.  There's some bickering amongst the kiddos, which one would expect of course with siblings.  It's nice though to have them both out of school together at the same time, I look forward to sending them to school at the same time in the fall, to the SAME school!  :)

*It's nice to be able to choose to send them to school on the military base, and it's a blessing that both of my children can go to school - not just my son because he's male.*

I'm not entirely sure what we'll do today.  I have to get the house straightened up and I do work tonight, so probably nothing too strenuous.  Maybe we'll go for a walk or ride our bikes to the park.

*It's nice to be able to walk down the street in the neighborhood.  Freely and peacefully.*

Are you sensing a theme yet?  Maybe something to do with freedom?  The little everyday freedoms that we take for granted - the ones that we might not even realize are there.  Those little ones that are so easy to forget about.

So back to the beginning...I got up with Don this morning.  I sat down at my computer to catch up with some headlines, since I have somehow not watched the news for the greater part of a week.  The first headline that jumped out at me was about 4 bodies found in the Arizona desert.  "Great." I thought to myself - "...more murder.".  I clicked on the article to see if perhaps it was some mob hit or interesting mystery find, out in the middle of nowhere.  While it *was* out in the middle of nowhere - it was no mystery.  The article stated:  "It is probable that they are immigrants attempting to cross into the U.S." - and initial indications pointed to exposure as cause of death.  They were 70 miles north of the Arizona border.  These people trekked 70 miles through the desert - to their deaths no less - just vying for freedom.  They just wanted to get to America.

How many people spend their lives just wanting to get to America?  How many people die trying?

As an American I know I take SO much for granted.  I don't know how it feels to be told that I can't worship God.  My God or ANY God.  I don't know what it's like to live under the thumb of communist leadership.  I don't know what it's like to grow up in the trenches of child labor and sex trade.  I don't know how it feels to be told I can't go to school.  I don't know what it feels like to work in a cramped sweat shop 18 hours a day.  I don't know what it feels like to go hungry.  

I've never been told that I can't follow my dreams.  I've never been told that I can't have them.

I sit here in my 3 bedroom house, with my two dogs and a cat, two kids and a guinea pig.  I sit here this morning drinking my coffee, blogging on my computer (with my non government censored internet), planning my day as I see fit, to do whatever I want to do with it.  Because I can.  Because I have the freedom to do so.

There's an answer to the immigration issue, and I will be the first to tell you I have no idea what it is.  But one thing I do believe - everyone should have the right to try to make it here.  Everyone should have a right to freedom.  I know it's complicated, I know the answers aren't easy.  I know for a fact that there are many people out there that literally hate immigrants just because of the way they look or the way they smell or the fact that they don't speak very good english - or no English at all.  But who are we to judge?  What right do WE have to say "You are worthless, you don't belong here, get off my street and get out of MY country."  MY country. 

The following verse is inscribed on our Statue of Liberty - the symbol of our country:

"Give me your tired, your poor,
Your huddled masses yearning to breathe free;
The wretched refuse of your teeming shore,
Send these, the homeless,
Tempest-tossed to me
I lift my lamp beside the golden door..."

As far as I see it, everyone deserves a chance at freedom.

Freedom worth dying for.

The Good Stuff

What a day! 

So they say, the bad things you do will always come back to haunt you, and never truly go away.  As if there's some big conspiracy in the stars to make sure you (I) never forget your (my) mistakes.  I can speak to this and say it is true.  I have done things in my life that I am still paying for.  Mistakes that never go away, choices that resonate through the years.  Don't get me wrong, I've made some AMAZINGLY wonderful choices, and for those choices my life is astonishing...but there have been a handful of truly rotten choices I've made too.  The kind of choices that never disappear.  Skeletons in the proverbial closet.  Sometimes when I try to reflect on my life, when people tell me I'm such a good person, when they say I've impacted them in an infinitely positive way, there is always something in the back of my mind that remembers the things I've done wrong and the people I've hurt along the way.  There's always that little voice in the back of my mind that says "I'm a good person...ha that's what YOU think! If you only knew how horribly I treated person XYZ 15 years ago...".  And it's funny, these things never go away.  The thoughts are always there and nagging when someone tries to give me a reminder of why I should love myself.  It's almost as if I'm in this paradoxical struggle to define my own worth and impact to this world and the people in it.

Well let me tell you something.  Tonight I learned that it truly does go both ways.  God loves me, and for that reason He makes sure that every now and then there is a surprising reminder of something good.  I love when He does that.

There's a family on our street with twin boys.  Don has known their Dad for years and years and years.  And years.  They've been in the navy together and known each other since nearly the beginning of time. Or something like that.

Their boys are 8, James is 5.  The boys and James became fast friends.  I was honestly shocked the first time the twins came over to play.  They were so polite, and kind, and respectful.  Quite different from some of the other children in the neighborhood that have come to play.  Don't get me wrong, there are quite a few great kids in our neighborhood, but there are also some that don't seem to have the guidance at home that would teach them what manners and goodness from the start are all about.  It's not the kids' fault that they don't have the leadership they deserve, but it's sad and difficult for me as a Mom to bring these wayward ones into my home and try to start them from scratch, while at the same time expecting more from my own than I expect from their new found friends.  It's not impossible, but definitely difficult.  So back to the twins.  Great kids.  James has been playing with them for a few weeks now, and they're a great influence.  So when they came over tonight and invited James to a sleepover in their tent...I was a hot mess.  This would be James' first official sleepover.  Me under our roof and him under another.  Scary much?  Well duh, Mom.  I said "I don't know, James doesn't really like to go to sleep" (we still battle).  The reply from this sweet boy was "That's ok, we stay up late!  We don't have to go to bed until niiiiine FITTY.".  Seriously cuter than you can even imagine.  So I took the only out that I had and said "I have to talk to his Dad before I can say yes to anything.".  So then they mentioned it to James and I knew I was done for.  Don came home from work and before I knew it, we were committed.  James was going to a sleepover.  I wasn't ready and I said as much...but I didn't really protest, because James was SOOOO excited, and hey they do live on the same street.  The same SIDE of the street even.  So I called their Mom, who I'd actually not met face to face (or so I thought) and made plans to bring my boy and his sleeping bag over at 7pm.  Next thing I knew...it was 7pm.  James and I went down to their house, sleeping bag and flashlight, pillows and snacks in hand.  He was so excited.  The boys' mom opened the door and was so very welcoming.  James and the boys took off outside to the tent, and I stood in the kitchen and watched, while I chatted things up with their mom for a bit.  We brought up how our husbands had known each other for years.  She said (here's where it gets good) - "I've met you before...".  I was clueless.  She said "At Mrs...what was her name...".  In the military world, a "Mrs." is an officers wife, in our case (the nuke world) I knew it would have to be either the Captain or the RO (Reactor Officer).   To make it a little easier, I giggled and said "Which command?" and she said "The Lincoln!".  To which I replied - "I was ombudsman for the Lincoln for 3 years, that's probably where you know me from!".   This amazingly warm and gracious woman then proceeded to tell me about when her husband made the rank of Chief.  That's kind of a big deal in the navy.  Things have a tendency to change once they hit Chief (E-7).   Each year, when the new Chief results come out (at least, back when tradition meant something), all the current Chief, Sr. Chief and Master Chief wives would generally create an opportunity for the "new" Chiefs' wives to get together for a pow-wow and what-the-hell-is-next kind of meeting.  She remembered me from that meeting.  Don was already a Chief, her husband had just made it, and she was new and a little bewildered, maybe even overwhelmed.  She said to me "I remember you - you spoke to me.  You invited me over but we had so much going on with the adoptions..."  They were in the process of adopting two of their 4.  They're great people.  What struck me the hardest was the way she said "You spoke to me."   She remembered that moment - it couldn't have been much more than maybe 10 minutes of our lives.  Years ago.  See, it's hard sometimes for people to understand the bond Chiefs share, the unspoken changes that traditionally come about from a "simple advancement".  The fact that she remembered me, during that tumultuous time of "initiation" into the Goat Locker (a Chief thing), and the new found and again, unspoken expectations of a Chiefs wife...well it can be a bit overwhelming.  But she remembered me, from years ago, as someone that had reached out to her, to help, to assist, to guide and to just be a shoulder.  That was huge.  That IS huge.  And that's something that I will always remember as some of "the good stuff".  The good karma coming back to haunt me.  Maybe it'll be one of those things that I can use in the future to combat the "If you only knew how I treated so and so 15 years ago" moments.  I made a difference for someone.  I made a difference for someone who is amazing and beautiful and real.  I made a difference.  Maybe there's some good in me after all.

And with that being said, I've finally renamed my blog.  Caffeine and Chaos is now officially A Lighthouse in the Storm - because really that's what writing is to me.  But I guess I'll save that explanation for another blog, another day.

Now THAT, my friends...is the good stuff.  Sorry if I rambled a bit - but I suppose even the good stuff deserves some rambling every now and again.

We Can Help

 

 I'm just really sad today.  Thinking about the recent tragedy in Moore, Oklahoma, and the devastated lives and families.  I'm thinking about the parents that sent their children to school yesterday morning, kissed them goodbye and will never again hear them say "I love you Mom!".  I don't know if maybe I'm just getting old, maybe a little bit wise, maybe both.  It hurts, knowing these people had their lives ripped away from them - and for WHAT?  For nothing.  For no reason.  They did nothing but live their life.  It's so scary, how much of what happens to us is so completely out of our control.  We think we've got it under control.  We do our best to live a good life, to be responsible, to raise our kids up right, to teach them how to respect themselves and others, to love them.  And then...bam.  Game over.  I see the footage of the destruction, and I can't explain the feelings.  It's empty.  It's confused.  It's hopeless.  It's broken.  So these people now have no home, no family, their lives are utterly shattered and they can do nothing, they must simply take one minute, one hour at a time, and pick up the pieces.  But we can help.  We can help them.

Even from the comfort of our own home, we can help.  When she was young, my Mom received a piece of advice that she has passed on to me.  When disaster strikes, when things happen that you least expect, when your world is suddenly torn apart - she says to look for God in the aftermath.  Good will come out of this, look for the helpers.  

Better yet, be one.

Here are a few ways we can help:

• Follow this link to donate to the Salvation Army Oklahoma Tornado Relief Fund:  https://donate.salvationarmyusa.org/uss/eds/aok

• To make a tax deductible donation to the Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma, go to www.regionalfoodbank.org or text FOOD to 32333 to give $10 to relief efforts.  

• The Pet Food Pantry of OKC is offering dog food, cat food, leashes, collars, food bowls, etc to those in need.  To make a donation please visit:  www.petfoodpantryokc.org 

• United Way of Central Oklahoma’s Disaster Relief Fund is open.  Donations may be made online at www.unitedwayokc.org or by mail to United Way of Central Oklahoma, P.O. Box 837, Oklahoma City, OK  73101 with notation for May Tornado Relief.  

• Contributions to the Moore & Shawnee Tornado Relief Fund can be made securely online at www.TulsaCF.org. Donations can also be mailed to TCF offices at 7030 S. Yale, Suite 600, Tulsa, OK, 74136.

• Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief has deployed at least 80 volunteers to respond.  Tax-deductible donations can be made to the BGCO's Disaster Relief ministry online or call (405) 942-3800. You may also send checks to: BGCO Attn: Disaster Relief 3800 N. May Ave. Oklahoma City, OK 73112.

 

Consistency fail!!

I've discovered I'm going to have to put the photo project on hold.  I just don't have what it takes to maintain the consistency, think of something clever, take a photo AND post it every day.  I don't know why I always try to do more than I have the capacity to do!  Time management is not now and has never been my forte.  Maybe after the ball season is over and the kids don't have activities 3-4 nights a week :)  

At any rate - I'm merely putting it on pause - the project is fun, I'll get back to it (just not today).

I have a bad habit of overextending myself, almost like I'm subconsciously afraid to have any time with nothing to do (aka relaxation).  I'm not sure where that character flaw came from, but putting this project on hold is me making a concerted effort to change what I do to myself on a daily basis ha!   This is me making my life better...and it seems SO minor and so small, just one little project being put on hold - but I'm taking control, and taking control of my own time is the first step to success.  In MY book anyways  :)

Project 365 - Day 3 - Special...

There are so many things in my life that I consider special.  Nearest and dearest to my heart is of course my family - we're all a little bit "special" around here.  

One of the very most special things I have ever been blessed with is the love that I have for my husband, and the love that he has for me.  We have been through so very much together over the last 12 or 13 years.  

One thing that has never changed is the fierce commitment we have to each other, to our family, and to our marriage.  Many times I have asked myself what exactly I did to deserve such an amazing man - I've even asked HIM!  His answer is always the same..."O. A. G." he says.  Just an "Ordinary Average Guy".  Talk about humble.  He is loving, he is giving, he is compassionate.  He is an amazing daddy and a phenomenal husband.  He is good with his hands, good with his head, and good with his heart.  

What we have is truly special, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Project 365 Day 2 - What I'm reading...

Only day 2 and I'm already running behind!!  I have the photos just not the time to post them...on that note, the inspiration for the day 2 photo is "What I'm reading...".  Tricky tricky!!  The reason it's so tricky is because I am currently not reading anything.  I'm lucky to find the time to read news articles on my phone.  I don't know what exactly makes me so busy...it doesn't SEEM like I have that much to do - until I have spare time, and then suddenly there's all this STUFF that needs to happen!  The house cleaning, or work, or kiddo activities.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my life, and I'm SO grateful that I actually have the time to spend on these things - but time management is definitely not my strong point.  As I was driving to pick up Paige from school, thinking about what I was supposed to come up with, a photo of  something that I'm READING - a grand idea struck me!  And here you have it.  Here is what I'm reading.  Every single day.  

Giggle people, it's Friday!

Project 365 - Day 1 - My Sky, and My Faith

I've decided that, while every day may not be good, there is some good in every day.   My life, with its ups and downs and surprises and hugs and kisses and loves...even the days when nothing special seems to be going on, life should be documented.  The little things might not be so little in hindsight.  So...every day I have a sort of theme, a sort of idea for a photo of the day.  

 Today, April 16th, my inspirational idea is "My Sky".  Earlier this evening, I took the camera with me to the kids' ball practice.  I got an awesome snapshot of my sky, and also some great photos of the kiddos.  Funny how that worked.  This project is already working out well for me.  Anyhow - I love this photo because it just goes to show that there is always light behind the clouds, light to pierce even the darkest sky - and the way the rays are shining through the clouds here...well it reminds me of those dark days - when I struggle just to keep going.  Those days when I question myself as a mother, when things go wrong as they often will.  Days like these are relatively few and far between, but we allll have our days and our frustrations.  BUT - for me, just when it seems the sky is chock full of storm clouds and ready to open into a torrential downpour...God inevitably shines his light through the darkness every. single. time.  And when He does - it's usually more beautiful than I ever dared imagine.

I think I'm going to enjoy this project.