Heyyy it's working!!

Waaaay back in the beginning of this blog (a whopping 3 weeks or so ago) I mentioned that I have lost myself, and I lost track of interests, hobbies, etc. Well, we had Paige and Don's birthday celebration today - even though their birthdays were a week ago - we celebrated today. It was alot of fun, Don's folks came, and Hollie was here with Payton. We also got to see Don's cousin Laura and her husband Carl, and their son Zachary. We haven't see Carl and Laura since their wedding - YEARS ago. So it was really great! AND, I found a NEW INTEREST!!

Check it out!

Don't you just freakin' LOVE it?? I love it. It was SOOOOO much fun! My first ever REAL cake decorating experience. Makes me want to take a class. Or 12. Now, isn't it just so ME, to find SUCH a counterproductive hobby? Nothing like trying to drop a hundred pounds, while falling in love with cake decorating. But really - I've been thinking about this! It would be so much fun to decorate cakes for a living. I would absolutely consider taking whatever classes I'd have to take to get certified, and even go to work for a grocery store decorating cakes. Soooo much fun - and it tasted great too!

Paige and Don thought it was pretty cool :) -so did the rest of the family. We joked that next year Don will get to pick the cake, he said black would be good (he's going to be 40). I was thinking about how much it's going to stink that he'll miss the birthday season next year - so I've been thinking about how festive our Spring will be. We'll do Christmas in April, and maybe we'll do birthdays in May...lots of chances for me to decorate cakes!

It feels really good to find something again that is just me. My own interest. My own hobby. My own really fun thing that not everyone can do/wants to do. I've been doing alot of praying - and I know many of my friends and relatives have too - that I can find my way back to that place I was at 3 years ago. This is most definately a step in the right direction.

Now then - off to find a Wilton's cake decorating class LOL...

Week two results...eh.

We had a great day yesterday! Don took me to see Avatar in 3D, it was a FABULOUS movie. I loved it. James Cameron is gifted, no question about it - gifted, and very very wealthy LOL On the way to the movie, we stopped at the Weight Watchers facility in Everett, they're open Thursdays from 7:30-11am for drop-in weigh-ins. Because my meeting is normally Thurs at 12:30, and the movie started at 12, I knew I'd miss it. The good news is, I'm down another .8 pounds! The bad news is, I'm only down another .8 pounds!! Ha. I should have expected it though, I only made it to the gym one day last week, and I definitely didn't stay within my points allowance every day. I'm actually a little surprised I lost at all. My personal goal is 10 pounds a month - I definitely need to step it up a notch if I'm going to achieve that.

Wednesday I went to the gym and walked a 5K (3.1 miles). When I checked my steps at the end of the day, I'd taken well over 11,000. ELEVEN THOUSAND!! I was pretty psyched about that. I've shaved a minute and 2 seconds off my 5K since I started this. It's still a ridiculously slow time, but it's a minute and 2 seconds faster than it was the first week of January :) When I get it under 45 minutes, then I'll start bragging. I need to get myself conditioned though, and you know what they say....slow and steady win the race. I'm not going to go all out and be burned out in 3 months time. This is something I need to stick with for the long haul. And I do mean the loooooong haul. I'm not doing this again. When this weight is gone, it's gone for good. Not losing 100 pounds 3 times in one lifetime. Once was truly enough, twice is just self destruction overcome, there will be no need for a third time.

We've begun going to church on Saturday night vice Sunday morning. Our church offers a Saturday service at 6pm, and 2 Sunday services. I love the Saturday service. Pastor Jim has been preaching for the last 2 weeks (and the next 3) about marriage, and "protecting your promise". It's an AWESOME series. Last week he spoke about the promise to persevere. Better or worse. And love - love isn't a feeling. Love is action. Love is sacrifice. If any of my readers are bored and want to give a listen to Pastor Jim (he's truly awesome!), check out www.smokeypointcommunitychurch.org/content/view/48/121/ and listen to last weeks' service. I love my church - LOVE my church. It's good to be home.

It's Paige's birthday...5 years in the making.

January 17th 2005, I woke up in the hospital after a planned overnight stay. I was being induced with my daughter...my beautiful little bundle of joy. Little did I know how much she would change me. How much she would change US. How much she would change our life. I was so full of emotion. Fear, excitement, happiness, did I mention fear... LOL So afraid I would mess up her life. And she wasn't even BORN yet! On January 17th at 3:41pm, Paige Elizabeth Rhine was given to us - truly a gift from God.

We spent the first few years of her life in Goose Creek, SC. It was so wonderful to be on shore duty, because then Don got to see every milestone, and got to live every tantrum LOL Well, almost.

Paige at 1 year


Paige at 2 years

When Paige was almost 3 we transferred back to Washington. We spent her birthday at my parent's home in Cottage Grove Oregon. I was so happy that they had a chance to see her ON her birthday. God only knows when they'll get that opportunity again.

Paige at 3 years

Paige's third year was really hard. James was born and daddy left for 7 months. Daddy had never had to deploy before in her lifetime - so she went through so many changes in such a short amount of time. But she's an amazing little girl. Resilient and smart and beautiful.

Paige at 4 years

Paige at almost 5 years

Isn't it amazing how much they change? I mean - of course they're going to grow. They're going to grow and they're going to change. They're going to mature and someday they're going to leave. 18 years is a long time, or so it seems. But looking back at the last 5, I can't help but wonder where they've gone.

It makes me want to do more. Makes me want to make more memories and have more adventures, read her more books and spend more time. I don't see her change. It's so gradual that it just happens, and looking back now I wish her life thus far had been easier for her. I know it'll get better, when Don is out of the navy - but the good news is, she doesn't know any different, so she doesn't know how hard she really has it. This lifestyle, to her, is "normal".

It's just how we roll.

And it will only get better from here.

And week one is over!

What a week.

I made it to the gym a few times, which was great, but Wednesday was a horribly stressful day, and I was so sure I was going to walk into my meeting on Thursday and find that I'd gained five pounds. I was quite pleased to learn that I had actually LOST 3.4lbs! In one week, stress triggers and all, I am down almost three and a half pounds. I really am quite pleased about that. Can't help but wonder how it'd have gone if I'd actually stayed on plan all week and made it to the gym all 5 days I had planned to! Like I said before though, it's been difficult to just jump back in and be right on track. I know I'll get there eventually, but I'm just not quite there yet. I found my WW book from 2006, and it was really interesting for me to see that I dropped 40 pounds in 4 months. I know I was working out extensively at that point, but all it does is give me more motivation to workout and do it right. If I see that I've succeeded before, right there in black and white, then I know I can do it again. I wish I didn't HAVE to do it again, but you know what they say about wishes.

Don will be home in a few days, and it'll be sooooo nice to have him back! Of course it never fails that, as soon as the ship gets underway everything goes to hell in a handbasket. Wednesday, my stressful day, was the day that the ship left Bremerton. Wednesday was the day my car decided to spaz out on me, resulting in the need for a new driveline - to the tune of a grand. And to think we owe less than $2,500 on it! I couldn't call Don of course to ask for his input, so I just made the decision to do it and sent him an email. He replied with support and made sure to tell me how comforting it was to him to know that when he was gone, even when the shit hit the fan, I could handle it without missing a step. He also said "Why couldn't it have happened after we paid it off?". Part of me is thankful it didn't - because I do love my Sorento, and I DON'T want to get rid of it. I think the temptation though of just trading it in might have won out, and I am grateful that I wasn't given the opportunity for that ha! I drove a Toyota Camry for a day, and it was fun to drive - but I like my Sorento, thankyouverymuch. I should have it back next week some time.

And on that note, I should be wrapping this up. There's still a few loads of laundry I need to take care of, and a litterbox to clean. Duty calls, as they say.

Thanks for reading :)

Not as easy as one would think...

So. I have rejoined Weight Watchers (let's hear it, yay me!!). I love WW. It's a great program, and it works. Especially when you factor in...wait for it...EXERSIZE! I've been around that block, once upon a time, and I rather enjoyed the landscape. The best part of all is that my meetings are at my gym. Included in my gym membership is 2 hrs daycare daily for both the kids, so I can work out (or - attend a WW meeting onsite). I thought to myself - how perfect is this?!? The timing is perfect, the place is perfect, the childcare situation is perfect - this is going to just be so perfect!

But you know, change is so much harder than you think.

I actually joined at the end of last year, but my meetings are on Thursdays and it just so happens that both Christmas Eve and New Years Eve fell on Thursday - and there was no meeting. So my first official meeting was this last thursday. I got on the scale, and when I saw my weight I believe the first word that I used to describe it was simply "wretched". But then a little birdy reminded me that I was there, I was in the right place. And I was going to make a change in my life. Again.

But you know, change is so much harder than you think.

I know the program. I know how to work the points. I know how to drag my butt to the gym. But - today was "officially" day 3 of week 1 and I am still struggling to fall back into place. Still haven't been to the gym and I don't know why. Embarrassment maybe. I have one pair of jeans that fit me and as I squatted down to pick up James today at church I felt them tear. Sooo not cool. I suppose now I have no CHOICE but to get with the program - I'm not buying another pair of size 22 pants. Not going to do it. I have at least 6 pairs of jeans in my closet. I'm going to fit into them - so help me God. I think that little "rip" in my jeans might just have BEEN God helping me. Reminding me that even though change is hard, sometimes it is a simple necessity. Even when it's hard, I know I can turn to Him and find strength. I know He wants me to turn to Him in order to make a change - and I think maybe that's why He made change so hard. So much harder than I thought.

Tomorrow is a new day. A fresh canvas. A clean slate. Another chance to do it right.

The more I think about it - the more I ponder and pray about this whole life change thing - I can't help but wonder if perhaps faith and health are more closely related then I might have once thought. Not exactly hand in hand - but closely linked. For in the past it has been when my faith was strongest that my health was at its peak - and when my health was at its peak that my faith was strongest.

Interesting.

Maybe it's just that when I remember how much God loves me, it helps me love me too.

A guide for 2010

I borrowed this from a friend of mine (thanks Becky!) on facebook. I liked it. Alot.

Handbook 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need...
18. Forget issues of the past. Don't remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don't hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree....

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friend> will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change...
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

Faith and health...revisited

A new year.

A new me?

Nah. The same old me, just hopefully new packaging.

A better me?

Most definately.

In 2006, with the help of diet and exersize, I dropped alot of weight. I was healthy. I was comfortable in my own skin, AND my own clothes!! When I got pregnant with James that all went by the wayside. I've gained it back, every last pound.

In 2006, though I was thousands of miles from my family, for the first time in my adult life I was spriritually healthy. I became a member of a church back in Goose Creek, SC. I loved it there. I sang in the choir and cried when I sang The Old Rugged Cross. It felt like home. We moved back to Washington and I didn't go to church for nearly 2 years.

In 2006, if you'd ask me to tell you a little bit about myself, I probably would have told you about my family, my love of horses and the stable where I took riding lessons. I'd have mentioned my monthly bunko night, my Avon business and maybe even my obsession with Diet Rockstar energy drink. Today, if you asked me, I'd say "proud wife and mommy of 2 beautiful children". That's not to say I'm not proud of my children, that's not to say there's anything WRONG with such an answer. But to put it in perspective, where did I go? What happened to my likes? My interests? Where did I go? And who am I again?

I'll tell you who I am.

I'm a woman. An unhealthy woman. A woman with more love for her family than one could ever imagine...but love for herself? Lacking. I don't love myself. I like myself - but I don't love myself. I take care of my children. I take care of the families onboard USS Abraham Lincoln. I take care of my husband, when he's actually home. But somewhere in there, I have forgotten me. I haven't been taking care of me. It's almost as if I have just been refusing to nurture myself. I've been putting garbage into my body, and my soul has been left starving by my neglect. I'm not proud of that, but I'm glad I can recognize and acknowledge it.

The common thread of the "healthy" me was the year 2006. It just so happens that on January 1st of 2006, I dubbed it "The year of health and faith". I exersized. I went to weight watchers. I discovered that I had personal interestss, and I followed them! It all worked! I was in desperate need of change - and I did it! Deja Vu anyone? And so...here we are. Health and faith - reprioritized in order of importance. 2010, the year of Faith and Health...revisited.

Here's to me.