My Minor Mommy Breakthrough!

Something interesting happened tonight, a little out of left field actually. It came time for the usual baths/showers routine between dinner and bedtime.  Paige asked me if she could take a bath instead of a shower.  I usually opt for showers on school nights with her, because we rarely have a ton of extra time in the evening, and that kid can take an hour long bath.  **NO idea where she gets that from...

Anyhow, I had told her she was going to be having a shower, and she was disappointed.  "Please can I take a bath instead of a shower?" she asked.  On any other day, I would have stuck to my guns, replied no, that we didn't have time for her to screw around in the bathtub for an hour, it was a school night and she needed to be ready for bed...but somewhere in the back of my mind, I glimpsed this fleeting opportunity and instinctively ran with it.  "What have you done today that might make me change my mind?" I asked.  I could see her gears start to grind.  She was thinking about when she fought with her brother.  She was thinking about when she argued with me about that candy.  She was thinking about when I had asked her to pick up her school clothes off of her bedroom floor and deposit them into the hamper - and remembering that she didn't. 

"What have you done good today?" I asked her again. 

She sat there for a moment in quiet contemplation and then softly said "I did my homework without whining?".  I began to smile - "Yes you did..." I said "and what else?".  She thought for a second, and with a touch more confidence she said "I let you work without bugging you to ride my bike out front."  Still smiling, "That's right."  I said "And what else have you done? "I made my bed, and I fed Angel when you asked me to!".  "You sure did" I told her.  "Sweetheart," I continued, "you have had a most excellent afternoon!  You may absolutely have a bath instead of a shower - but PLEASE don't go getting water all over my floor..."

I can't say exactly what it was about the beginning of that conversation that sent me down an unknown road - I've been praying a lot lately, so maybe God was whispering to me "What if you handle this *this* way?".   What the whole experience boils down to, in my opinion, is simple and yet complex.  Our children are under so much pressure today to be perfect.  Even though they're still young, don't think for a minute that they don't know their own imperfections, and that they don't blow them up and out of proportion in their little minds.  They perceive imperfections that aren't even there.  I remember when I was a kid, everything was amplified.  Any imperfection I saw in myself was driven home by the harsh criticisms and mean words of kids like Amber Murray (I'll never forget that girl, she had it all...).  Bullies, and insecure classmates.  My child  tries hard to please everyone she meets.  She is smart, she is funny, she is friendly.  She is courageous and she is beautiful.  She is also a 6 year old girl.  She subconsciously sees the examples that society sets for our young adolescent girls, and it puts an unjustifiable psychological pressure on her. 

Now I'll be the first to admit, I'm not the easiest mother to have.  I'm not always a joy to live with, and when I get overly stressed I can be quite a challenge.  I sometimes find that I must stop to remind myself that my children are children - and to treat them as such.  I can expect too much, and I often do.  I'm trying very hard to put the kibosh on that.  The very last thing I want to do is put still more pressure on my children, who already have so much outside pressure on their shoulders.  I think tonight I may just have had a minor mommy breakthrough there.

The reason I wanted Paige to tell me the good things she did today was not so she could talk me into letting her have a bath instead of a shower - I'd already made up my mind on that as soon as she said please.  I wanted HER to hear all of the good things she'd done.  I wanted HER to stop and think for a minute and feel good about herself and her choices.  I want her to begin to learn to look at herself and see the sunshine, the goodness, and the quality of her character and her actions.  There are so many negative outside factors that are already working to influence her in her life.  As her greatest ally the least I can do is prepare her to stand up and defend herself against them - to know in her heart that nothing matters more than how she sees herself, and to be sure that she sees herself as the beautiful, amazing being that she is, God's own creation.

Bright, beautiful, friendly, funny, smart, intelligent, giving, caring, thoughtful, considerate...

That's my girl.