We Can Help

 

 I'm just really sad today.  Thinking about the recent tragedy in Moore, Oklahoma, and the devastated lives and families.  I'm thinking about the parents that sent their children to school yesterday morning, kissed them goodbye and will never again hear them say "I love you Mom!".  I don't know if maybe I'm just getting old, maybe a little bit wise, maybe both.  It hurts, knowing these people had their lives ripped away from them - and for WHAT?  For nothing.  For no reason.  They did nothing but live their life.  It's so scary, how much of what happens to us is so completely out of our control.  We think we've got it under control.  We do our best to live a good life, to be responsible, to raise our kids up right, to teach them how to respect themselves and others, to love them.  And then...bam.  Game over.  I see the footage of the destruction, and I can't explain the feelings.  It's empty.  It's confused.  It's hopeless.  It's broken.  So these people now have no home, no family, their lives are utterly shattered and they can do nothing, they must simply take one minute, one hour at a time, and pick up the pieces.  But we can help.  We can help them.

Even from the comfort of our own home, we can help.  When she was young, my Mom received a piece of advice that she has passed on to me.  When disaster strikes, when things happen that you least expect, when your world is suddenly torn apart - she says to look for God in the aftermath.  Good will come out of this, look for the helpers.  

Better yet, be one.

Here are a few ways we can help:

• Follow this link to donate to the Salvation Army Oklahoma Tornado Relief Fund:  https://donate.salvationarmyusa.org/uss/eds/aok

• To make a tax deductible donation to the Regional Food Bank of Oklahoma, go to www.regionalfoodbank.org or text FOOD to 32333 to give $10 to relief efforts.  

• The Pet Food Pantry of OKC is offering dog food, cat food, leashes, collars, food bowls, etc to those in need.  To make a donation please visit:  www.petfoodpantryokc.org 

• United Way of Central Oklahoma’s Disaster Relief Fund is open.  Donations may be made online at www.unitedwayokc.org or by mail to United Way of Central Oklahoma, P.O. Box 837, Oklahoma City, OK  73101 with notation for May Tornado Relief.  

• Contributions to the Moore & Shawnee Tornado Relief Fund can be made securely online at www.TulsaCF.org. Donations can also be mailed to TCF offices at 7030 S. Yale, Suite 600, Tulsa, OK, 74136.

• Oklahoma Baptist Disaster Relief has deployed at least 80 volunteers to respond.  Tax-deductible donations can be made to the BGCO's Disaster Relief ministry online or call (405) 942-3800. You may also send checks to: BGCO Attn: Disaster Relief 3800 N. May Ave. Oklahoma City, OK 73112.

 

Consistency fail!!

I've discovered I'm going to have to put the photo project on hold.  I just don't have what it takes to maintain the consistency, think of something clever, take a photo AND post it every day.  I don't know why I always try to do more than I have the capacity to do!  Time management is not now and has never been my forte.  Maybe after the ball season is over and the kids don't have activities 3-4 nights a week :)  

At any rate - I'm merely putting it on pause - the project is fun, I'll get back to it (just not today).

I have a bad habit of overextending myself, almost like I'm subconsciously afraid to have any time with nothing to do (aka relaxation).  I'm not sure where that character flaw came from, but putting this project on hold is me making a concerted effort to change what I do to myself on a daily basis ha!   This is me making my life better...and it seems SO minor and so small, just one little project being put on hold - but I'm taking control, and taking control of my own time is the first step to success.  In MY book anyways  :)

Project 365 - Day 3 - Special...

There are so many things in my life that I consider special.  Nearest and dearest to my heart is of course my family - we're all a little bit "special" around here.  

One of the very most special things I have ever been blessed with is the love that I have for my husband, and the love that he has for me.  We have been through so very much together over the last 12 or 13 years.  

One thing that has never changed is the fierce commitment we have to each other, to our family, and to our marriage.  Many times I have asked myself what exactly I did to deserve such an amazing man - I've even asked HIM!  His answer is always the same..."O. A. G." he says.  Just an "Ordinary Average Guy".  Talk about humble.  He is loving, he is giving, he is compassionate.  He is an amazing daddy and a phenomenal husband.  He is good with his hands, good with his head, and good with his heart.  

What we have is truly special, and for that, I am truly grateful.

Project 365 Day 2 - What I'm reading...

Only day 2 and I'm already running behind!!  I have the photos just not the time to post them...on that note, the inspiration for the day 2 photo is "What I'm reading...".  Tricky tricky!!  The reason it's so tricky is because I am currently not reading anything.  I'm lucky to find the time to read news articles on my phone.  I don't know what exactly makes me so busy...it doesn't SEEM like I have that much to do - until I have spare time, and then suddenly there's all this STUFF that needs to happen!  The house cleaning, or work, or kiddo activities.  Don't get me wrong - I enjoy my life, and I'm SO grateful that I actually have the time to spend on these things - but time management is definitely not my strong point.  As I was driving to pick up Paige from school, thinking about what I was supposed to come up with, a photo of  something that I'm READING - a grand idea struck me!  And here you have it.  Here is what I'm reading.  Every single day.  

Giggle people, it's Friday!

Project 365 - Day 1 - My Sky, and My Faith

I've decided that, while every day may not be good, there is some good in every day.   My life, with its ups and downs and surprises and hugs and kisses and loves...even the days when nothing special seems to be going on, life should be documented.  The little things might not be so little in hindsight.  So...every day I have a sort of theme, a sort of idea for a photo of the day.  

 Today, April 16th, my inspirational idea is "My Sky".  Earlier this evening, I took the camera with me to the kids' ball practice.  I got an awesome snapshot of my sky, and also some great photos of the kiddos.  Funny how that worked.  This project is already working out well for me.  Anyhow - I love this photo because it just goes to show that there is always light behind the clouds, light to pierce even the darkest sky - and the way the rays are shining through the clouds here...well it reminds me of those dark days - when I struggle just to keep going.  Those days when I question myself as a mother, when things go wrong as they often will.  Days like these are relatively few and far between, but we allll have our days and our frustrations.  BUT - for me, just when it seems the sky is chock full of storm clouds and ready to open into a torrential downpour...God inevitably shines his light through the darkness every. single. time.  And when He does - it's usually more beautiful than I ever dared imagine.

I think I'm going to enjoy this project.

Priorities, and Change

Well hello, it's me again.  I know, it has been awhile.  I'll bet a handful of you probably thought I'd fallen off the edge of the universe.  Some could say that I did.  My universe has gone through some pretty intense changes over the last 3 months, but they've all been amazing and for the better.  It's all about priorities, and what is really important in life...my eyes that were once glazed over with too much stress, too many obligations, too much wine and what was becoming an ever increasing list of regrets have grown clear.  The haze has disappeared.  You know, it reminds me almost of that Claritin commercial that used to run...you know the one.  Starts out with some poor allergy stricken person talking about how they were so miserable before they found Claritin. Then the camera does this little filter trick that lifts the haze like the turning of a page and suddenly colors are brighter, laughter is louder, and the flowers no longer secrete enough pollen to throw them into sheer misery.

You could say I've found my Claritin.

A mere three months ago I was consumed with my allergies.  So I made some changes.

I was working too much.  It's funny, this thing we do called work.  It's what you could call a necessary evil.  I have a friend who traveled to Europe.  She came back and told me about her vacation - how it was much needed.  She told me of a local vendor at the farmers market she visited who asked her how it felt to be from a country that lived to work - when in reality happiness comes when you simply work to live.   It was a valid question that she couldn't answer.  Made me think.  I couldn't answer either.  Don was in Virginia at the time, and every day was the same here.  Grueling.  I liked my job, but I had no business doing what I was doing and trying to be an attentive parent and housekeeper at the same time. It was overwhelming.  I drank wine to help myself feel better.  It worked more often than not.  At least until the next day.

Add to that my insistence on being the perfect parent.  We all know there's really no such thing, but I always thought if I just tried harder, I could get there.  I enrolled the kids in skating to give them something to do (and at the same give myself an additional obligation 3 times a week, not to mention financially).  It was great, they had fun.  But it didn't make me a better parent, even if I somehow thought it did.  All they wanted was my time, of which I had none to give.  I would take them to skating and sit on my phone checking work email and stressing over whatever the newest project was and if it would launch on time, if everyone had been trained, if I had missed anything.  But it was fun, right?  Right?  Paige asked me one day "Mama, do you remember when you didn't work, and you used to play with me?".  Enter guilt.  I had a conversation with her about why my job was important - but it was all financial.  If I didn't work, she couldn't skate.  So in the end she thanked me for working.  I went home and drank a glass of wine.  Or three.

Towards the end of July, I decided that it wasn't worth it anymore.  I stepped down from management at work and took a leave of absence.  And I quit drinking.  Completely. 

I don't even miss it.  I've never been so happy, or felt so good.

It has been only three months, but life is better than ever.  I'm back at work part time, and it is perfect.  The kids aren't in skating anymore, and likely won't be again.  Paige asked about it, and I asked (legitimately) if she'd rather I worked more so she could have lessons again, or if she'd rather we just go to open skate as a family a few times a month.  It made me smile when she said "That's easy Mom - FAMILY SKATE!".   Last week we all took an afternoon and went bowling.  Today after school we had a family Wii session.  I won.  I have time to enjoy life now.  I am not overwhelmed.  There is no haze.  There is still some underlying guilt for the way the last year or so has gone down for us - but I'm working through it.  Don is home from Virginia and that of course in itself is a huge relief.  It is SO nice to go grocery shopping without kids in tow - ha!

Today my priorities are in order, and what a blessing.  I've come to realize that time with those that we love is something that, once lost, cannot be regained.  It is amazing to be able to sit down, just the four of us, and spend quality time playing Wii, or go out riding bikes, or playing on the playground (I even crossed the monkey bars last weekend - Paige thought that was the coolest thing EVER!).  I am no longer overwhelmed.  I am no longer scared of what I might have missed at work.  I'm no longer worried about what would happen if I lost over half my income.   These days I laugh...and I dance.  I cook real food...and I read bedtime stories a whole lot slower.

Looking back, I'm thankful for the position I was in - because it has helped me to see how much better things could really be - even when *I* thought things were just fine.  Just fine.  Today I have to thank God for giving me a healthy dose of Claritin.

I encourage you to take a look at your life.  Take a look at your priorities.  Are they in the right place?  Things will only get worse if you don't work to make them better.  Dig deep, and find that courage to make a change.  Say a prayer if you don't know where to start.  Change isn't easy.  It's actually very difficult, and at times it can be painful...but I promise - the right changes are always worth it in the end. 

 

Time Flies...

Crazy sometimes, the way time flies.  We go through this life, day by day, step by step, minute by minute.  Sometimes, much of the time, it feels as if the minutes just drag into hours and the hours drag into days.  It feels like the same thing day after day - the same battles, the same fight - the good fight yes, but a fight nonetheless.  And then one day you stop and really look at your life and realize - WOAH - how time flies...how things change.

James had his preschool advancement ceremony tonight - he advanced from 4K to 5K.  He has one more year of preschool and he's off to Kindergarten.  How did THAT happen?  How is he suddenly reading, and writing his name, and going to school and for the most part...LIKING it?

My babies blow me away.  I call them my babies, even though they're not babies anymore.  They're growing, thriving children.  They're nothing more than little people, becoming who they are meant to be.  It's hard to remember sometimes that I'm merely their guide.  It's my job to make sure they grow up knowing how to be kind, fair and good.  It's my job to teach them right from wrong, teach them how to treat people, and how to treat themselves.  

It's hard to be a Mom.  Really I just want to be their friend.  I know that's not fair to them at this point - but it's really hard to find the balance.  I've heard it said "I'm your mother, not your friend..." but I still have a hard time with that.  The hardest thing for me I think, is that I don't understand the plight of the sibling.  I'm an only child - so I don't get the sibling thing.  I don't understand the constant bickering.  I don't get the way they can hate each other one moment and love on each other the next.  I try to wrap my brain around it but it's just not something I can understand.  Sometimes it feels as if I'm just along for the ride.  The funny thing is - even when the ride makes me want to tear my hair out...I don't want this ride to end.  I'm so happy being their Mom, yes even when I don't understand them.  I'm so blessed to have them both in my life - my number one girl, and my sweet sweet boy.  I am thankful every day for them, even when I don't understand them or the dynamic they possess within their relationship.

Life has thrown me a few curves, without question.  I've managed to dodge a few bullets, but I've been nailed by a few as well.  The one thing that keeps me sane even when I question my own sanity - is them.  My kiddos.  My babies.  My reason.  They blow me away.  I remember clearly the day that each of them came into my life...and my what a ride it has been.  My oh my...how the time does fly.

Cherish every moment, for the moments will have a tendency to disappear before your very eyes.  One minute you're rocking them to sleep at 2am - the next thing you know they're reading, writing, learning, living, becoming. 

What a bittersweet blink it is.