Heavy sigh...

Welp. The decision has been made, and daddy will not be coming home this year. So here I sit, reminding myself of the silver lining, listening to Bob Marley tellin' me every little thing is gonna be alright, and letting it slowly sink in.

I don't like it. But it's gonna be alright. I'm glad I didn't tell the kids. I'm trying not to be disappointed but of course there's bound to be some. When he left we were prepared for this...but within the last week I started to let myself get excited - and I knew that was a bad idea. I even vocalized that it was a bad idea. But the thought of sharing a laugh together again just kept creeping in. Ultimately I'm relieved, and so happy to know that when he comes home we'll never have to say goodbye again. Seriously. NEVER. Not for a good 50 years anyways. Hell, by the time we're old enough to die the life expectancy will probably be 110. So that gives me 80 more years to torment him.

I did alot today. I plunged the toilet again. Stupid toilet. I put the kids' beds together, took them apart and put them together again. The rails were too high so when we got the foundations and mattresses up there the things were three feet high. I tore apart Paige's old bed with a wedge and a hammer. That was fun...and a great outlet ;) After that we went to Fred Meyer's and I knocked out what would have been a trip to Safeway and a trip to Target. Let's hear it for spending more money just to save a little time. God knows it's always one or the other that you have more of. Seems if you have more money then you can count on less time, and if you have more time odds are there's not much money to be had. Came home from Fred's just in time to start work. Knowing I didnt' have a lot of time, I bought a pizza for the kids for dinner, turns out I bought one they didn't like. I guess that could be a blessing in disguise. Reminds me of one day last week I was running late coming home from Everett - I bought them happy meals and let them eat in the car. When we got home I realized Paige hadn't eaten her fries. So I asked her about it - "Don't you want to eat your fries?" she says "Nah, they're not healthy.". I was proud of her for thinking about eating healthy, at the same time wondering to myself how she could actually be MY kid.

I do alot. Psh. I do it all. But by the grace of God.

I need to go to bed, I'm tired and have a lot to knock out tomorrow. I just needed to ramble for a few. I start my mini vacay tomorrow, and my mom is coming to visit on Friday! I can't wait to see her. I gain so much strength from her. It's funny, I never start to feel weak until I stop long enough to think about everything I do. So...I'm going to stop thinking about it now.

Before I go - a note to bring a smile. A few nights ago, at a little before 8, I told Paige it was bedtime, and to go potty and brush her teeth. So she did all that, then she came out and said "Mama, the toilet won't go down AGAIN." See, I think James put something in the toilet and it doesn't flush right. I need to get maintenance in here to fix it because I'm tired of plunging it...but I have to clean my house first. So anyways, she says "Mama, the toilet won't go down again." So I got up, grabbed the plunger and went into the bathroom. She watched with the kind of curiousity that only she can muster, while I finally got the water to drain. I looked at her and said "See? Just like that!". With the most innocent expression, she looked at the toilet, then looked up at me and said "Mama, that was FASCINATING!" :) I tried to stifle a laugh but did a pretty poor job of it.

Yep. That's my girl!!


Goodnight...